Adult siblings may not always agree on the caregiving needs of their aging parents. One sibling may perceive the parent as being fine at home, while another may feel that extra help is necessary. This situation is particularly common when family members live far apart or spend different amounts of time with their elderly loved ones.

Solution: Seek Professional Evaluation

To address this issue, one possible solution is to seek an expert assessment. Bringing in an outside opinion often helps resolve disagreements. HomeSpark can visit your loved one's home and conduct a safety assessment. Additionally, consult your parent's primary doctor to discuss any recent deterioration or emerging physical challenges. Getting clarification from a healthcare professional can help define the next steps and prevent arguments among siblings about the level of care needed.

Solution: Explore Senior Care Options

Once the care needs are established, the next step is to research senior care options. If your loved one will remain at home, sibling assistance can range from financial support to daily visits. If you or another sibling are considering becoming a full-time caregiver, it would be beneficial to educate yourself about the duties and responsibilities involved. HomeSpark offers non-medical, in-home care services and can provide assistance if you prefer to maintain the role of a child or family member rather than a caregiver.

Unbalanced Responsibility: The Burden Falls on a Single Child

In some cases, one child may shoulder the majority of the caregiving responsibilities. This often occurs when the child lives closest to the aging parent or has the closest emotional relationship. When other family members do not readily offer help, the primary caregiver may feel isolated, alone, and resentful.

Empowering Communication: Sharing Needs and Enlisting Support

It's important for the primary caregiver to communicate their needs and discuss ways in which others can contribute. Even if siblings live far away or have a distant relationship with the parent, they can still provide support from afar, such as assisting with finances, appointment scheduling, meals, or emotional support.

Exclusion of Siblings: A Barrier to Inclusive Decision-Making

In certain situations, one child may take over the caregiving role and exclude other family members from decision-making, potentially even limiting their access to the elderly loved one.

Fostering Inclusive Decision Making: Communication with Siblings, Parents, and Authorities

In such cases, it is essential to communicate with siblings and the parent, and, if necessary, seek the authorities' involvement. If feasible, reach out to your sibling and express your desire to be more involved. If your relationship with the caregiving sibling is strained, maintain ongoing communication with your parent through phone calls, emails, or letters. If your sibling acts as a gatekeeper and prevents you from reaching your parents, and you suspect abuse or exploitation, contact local Adult Protective Services to intervene. It's important to prioritize the health and safety of your parents, even if your sibling is angry.

Lack of Sibling Support: When Family Members Refuse to Assist with Elderly Parents

There may be instances where siblings are unwilling to help care for elderly parents. This could be due to a lack of understanding or choosing to ignore the level of assistance needed. Alternatively, some children may refuse to care for an elderly parent due to past negative relationships or their current circumstances.

Promoting Empathy: Seeking Understanding from All Perspectives

In such situations, try to understand everyone's point of view. If you believe your siblings are unaware of your efforts, try to schedule visits or video calls, or request testimony from the doctor to explain the severity of the situation. If your siblings refuse to help due to past trauma or other reasons, see if they are willing to provide financial support or emotional assistance, even if they are unwilling to interact with the aging parents directly.

Back to the Past: When Family Members Revert to Childhood Patterns

When immediate family members come together to care for aging parents, they may fall back into unhealthy and dysfunctional roles from the past. It's crucial to recognize that the focus should be on what is best for the parents, not on longstanding arguments.

Finding Resolution: The Role of Mediation

In such cases, it may be beneficial to involve a mediator. A neutral third party, such as representatives from the National Family Caregiver Support Program or the local chapter of the Area Agency on Aging, or a doctor or geriatric care manager, can help mediate discussions. During a family meeting, open and honest discussions about the parent's care needs should take place. Each sibling's role and obligations should be established, and future plans should be made, including financial considerations, caregiving responsibilities, and any existing wishes expressed by the parents.

Resisting the Transition: When Aging Parents Resist Care

In some instances, adult children realize that their loved one needs care, but the aging parent resists the idea. This can create a divide among siblings, with some wanting to respect the parent's wishes and others recognizing the necessity of care.

Embracing Care: Unveiling the Benefits of Senior Care Solutions

To address this situation, it is crucial to explain the benefits of senior care to the parent. Listen to their concerns and emphasize that the goal is maintaining their quality of life. Highlight how in-home care can help and suggest visiting senior living communities together, either in person or through virtual tours, to provide a better understanding of the amenities and lifestyle options available.

Navigating Toxicity: Dealing with Manipulative Elderly Parents

Dealing with toxic or manipulative elderly parents can be challenging. As parents age, they may experience significant personality changes due to dementia or physical decline, which can lead to abusive behavior. If you find yourself in this situation where a parent becomes physically threatening or verbally abusive, and your siblings refuse to believe it. In that case, it's essential to prioritize your well-being while still caring for your parent.

Balancing Act: Caring for Elderly Parents while Prioritizing Self-Care

Caregiver burnout is common in such situations, so consider options like adult daycare, occasional respite stays, or weekly home care to provide relief. If the parent's behavior becomes a serious concern, involving siblings or contacting your local police department's elder affairs officer may be necessary.

Sibling Struggles: Navigating Financial Responsibilities for Aging Parent's Care

Financial conflicts among siblings regarding the cost of an aging parent's care are common. The expenses associated with senior living can seem overwhelming and deter families from exploring all available options.

Proactive Planning: Setting Family Financial Roles for Aging Parent's Care in Advance

To address these conflicts, it is essential to establish family financial roles in advance. Have open discussions with your parents about their savings and whether they have long-term care insurance policies. If aging at home is the preferred option, consider the financial implications and potential strains on personal finances. In some cases, a family member may be able to get paid as a caregiver if funds are not readily available. Explore Medicaid or Veterans Aid (VA) benefits, as some states provide caregiving stipends for those who qualify.

Navigating Complexities: Addressing End-of-Life Care and Inheritance Conflicts

End-of-life care and inheritance conflicts often arise among siblings. Disagreements can occur when one sibling wants to arrange hospice care for a terminally ill parent while another believes that every day lived is a victory.

Empowering Autonomy: Allowing Parents to Make End-of-Life Care Decisions

To mitigate these conflicts, it is important for parents to make their own decisions about end-of-life care well in advance. Encourage your parents to create a living will or healthcare directive that specifies their wishes.

Power of Attorney: Unraveling Types and Responsibilities

It is also beneficial to establish a power of attorney, either a general power of attorney, a durable power of attorney for healthcare, or a durable power of attorney for financial care, to ensure the smooth execution of their wishes. Understanding the different types of power of attorney and their responsibilities can help prevent conflicts among siblings.

Inheritance Insight: Preparing in Advance for a Clear Understanding of Estates

Inheritance and estate conflicts can be avoided by encouraging aging parents to engage in estate planning discussions. While it's important not to overly focus on heirlooms, discussing inheritance matters in advance can help prevent siblings from feeling slighted. If conflicts arise, consider involving a family mediator to help objectively analyze the situation and find areas of common ground.

Addressing caregiving conflicts among siblings requires open communication, understanding, and sometimes outside help. By seeking expert assessments, researching senior care options, communicating about needs and ways to help, involving mediators when necessary, and proactively addressing end-of-life care and financial considerations, it is possible to navigate these challenging situations while prioritizing the well-being of aging parents and maintaining family relationships.

If you need assistance navigating these conversations or would like to learn more about the in-home care services offered by HomeSpark, contact us today!